Intention vs. Delivery When does it cross the line?

Hello! Welcome Back! Last weeks post was a deeper post which you guys seemed to really enjoy! That made me really happy because not only do I want to create content that you guys enjoy, that post was really therapeutic for me.

Today, I want to talk about Intention vs. Delivery and when does it cross the line? I’m sure we’ve all had someone say something to us that was intended to be helpful, but the way they said was hurtful. How can you tell when they’ve cross a line? Should we perceive it differently depending on who said it? How do you tell them they’re in the wrong without being hurtful back?

For me, this is a topic I really struggle with because I have someone close to me who always seems to miss the mark in their delivery. Their delivery is really hurtful to me, but I know their intention comes from a good place. They’ll make comments about my weight or comments about where i’m at in my life, and while they are trying to motivate me and light a fire under me it does the exact opposite. Simply because of how they delivered their message. Has that ever happened to you? If their delivery makes you feel smaller, doesn’t that mean they’ve crossed the line? I think it does. While we shouldn’t ever allow a person the power to make us feel smaller, it can be really hard not too. Especially if that person is toxic to us. That’s part of the reason why they are toxic because they have this power over us which changes how we feel. Telling if someone crossed the line is a very personal thing, because that “line” is unique to you. Something that crosses the line for me, could be something you are okay with and vice versa.

Should we perceive the message differently if a family member or close friend says it too us? Again, this post is here for me to hopefully help you guys and for you to help me. I give people so many chances, probably too many chances because I see the good in people. I think that’s one of my greatest qualities, but sometimes it’s to a fault. I’ll give these people who are close to me so many chances even though they’ve said something hurtful to me, because I know it wasn’t their intention. Sometimes though, I don’t think who said it should matter. I feel that sometimes close friends and family get this idea that they have a free pass to say whatever they want to us, and I don’t really agree with that. Yes, I do think they can tell us some hard truths that we need to hear but it still needs to be delivered with kindness and respect. I have a friend whose sibling has said some really hurtful things to her and I feel she believes she can say these things this way, because they are related. She would never talk to a classmate or a friend this way but since it’s her sister, she thinks it’s okay and it’s not. We have to remember that we’re all human beings. We all have feelings, and we all deserve to be spoken to in a respectful manner. Basically, being family or close friends does not give you a free pass to be a jerk.

It’s human nature to get defensive and go into attack mode when you feel like someone is belittling you. So, how do we tell someone their delivery is hurtful without being hurtful back to them? Personally, I need to work on this because I just sweep it under the rug and carry on like nothing happened. I’d never want to hurt one of my loved ones…sometimes even when i’m having a deep conversation with my best friend I’ll stop mid-sentence to think about how I can deliver my message in the kindest way possible. I think time is the best way to handle those situations, maybe you don’t tell them right away that they hurt you. Take you’re time to figure out how to explain that you understand their intention and you appreciate their concerns, but the way they delivered it was unacceptable. Taking time will allow you the time to process what they said, figure out why it hurt you and explain that to them without getting defensive.

Something I think that’s really important to remember is, the delivery of someone’s message doesn’t have anything to do with how much they love you. That’s advice that I need to take myself, it’s something my friends tell me all the time so trust me I understand how hard it can be to believe. Majority of the time your loved one has good intentions and that’s because they DO love you, with everything inside of them. They just suck at delivering their message. When you talk to them about how they have hurt you, try suggesting ways they could deliver their message that you would be more accepting of. It’s okay for someone close to us to say that we need to get it together if they believe we aren’t living up to our full potential. That’s flattering, but the way they get their message across can sometimes change the whole message.

I will always encourage trying to help a loved one be the best they can be, just remember to do it with kindness. I truly believe if we all remember to be kinder to one another we will all grow into the best versions of ourselves. I hope you found this post helpful. Where do you draw your line? Does that line move if the message is delivered by a family member? How do you go about telling them they hurt you? Leave me a comment down below so that we can all learn and grow from one another. Thank you for stopping by. Until next time…

Be Nice. Be Good.

Mich. x