Hello! Welcome Back, I hope this week is treating you well. These past couple weeks I have been really reflecting on my life and where I’m at. Things feel like there falling more and more into place while also feeling like a total mess all at the same time. Have you ever felt that? The past two years since moving home from college, I spent a lot of time feeling very alone. I didn’t have any friends at home, one of my biggest supporters who was usually around the corner was still in school. That made things very lonely and confusing. Combine that with dealing with the downfall of a toxic friendship and mental health issues…I felt I had no purpose. What do you do when you can’t figure out your purpose? How do you find your purpose?
Not knowing your purpose can be terrifying, or it could be freeing. You could take that as an open palette and explore everything and anything that you find interesting or you could go down the path I did, crippling depression.
I’m not shy when it comes too talking about my struggles with mental health here on my blog. It helps me and hopefully helps some of you. I spent every bit of a year feeling guilty about being depressed, thinking “things weren’t bad enough for me to be depressed.” I spent so much time trying to make a friendship work that wasn’t meant to work, and so much time trying to convince myself I wasn’t depressed I didn’t have any time or space to figure out what God had put me on this earth to do. I just graduated college, but I didn’t have a CLUE where to go next. In my darkest times I thought that maybe I wasn’t suppose to find my purpose, that the depression was suppose to win.
I don’t tell you this in hopes of you feeling bad for me about how deep into depression I fell. I tell you these personal struggles to remind you that this, obviously was not true. Of course God put me on this earth for a reason, of course the depression wasn’t meant to win. I can respect if you aren’t a religious person but, I believe God put all of us on this earth for a specific reason. The big question is, what is that reason and how do you figure it out? Do you ever really figure it out?
Being only 23, almost 24 I don’t think I’ve found my purpose yet or at least not all of them. Through my trials and tribulations, I am being molded into who I’m meant to be more everyday. Your purpose doesn’t have to be singular, you don’t just find your purpose and just stop growing & changing. You can have a different purpose throughout your different stages in life. For me, at this moment in my early 20’s my purpose is to put energy into helping others through my blog and learning to love myself. Many things in life have gotten in the way of me having unconditional love for myself, and sadly I know i’m not the only one who struggles with this. We won’t be able to reach the next stage in life if we are standing in our own way and depriving ourselves from unconditional love. One of the things that interfered with the love I have for myself was not knowing what do with my life. I spent so much time pretending I knew what my dreams were, because I was embarrassed about not knowing what I wanted to do. I keep asking, how do you find your purpose? How did I know the blogging was my purpose? I knew because of the feeling it gave me. It was something I did for myself, without trying to please my friends or family. It brought me joy and pride. Every time I post on my blog, I get this feeling in my chest that I’m being true to myself. Being able to express myself while also seeing the struggles I went through, help others or remind them they aren’t alone is how I knew. I’m no expert in mental health, but I have gained a lot of insight due to personal experiences that could potentially help someone. I would be doing a disservice to myself, to my readers and to My Lord if I didn’t follow through with this blog.
Finding your purpose is not going to be something that happens overnight. It takes a lot of time and self-reflection. Not knowing where to go in life or what your purpose is, can be a very unsettling feeling. It’s hard to not feel defeated when the stars are not aligning for you. Sometimes you have to get to rock bottom before you can start to find what your purpose is. Take it one day at a time and trust yourself & your higher power. Take little steps to add order into your life, like making your bed in the morning. Think about what weighs heavy on your heart, how can you make improvements for the greater good? Make lists of things that excite you, of good qualities your friends and family notice about you. If you can incorporate all these things in your daily life and keep trying your best everyday, your purpose will appear before you. Keep fighting. I believe in you. Thank you for stopping by…Until next time,
Be Nice. Be Good.