Hey Guys! Welcome Back! I don’t usually post on Fridays or on such a whim, but something is pulling on my heart and I need to let it out. That has helped me a lot in the past and it seems to have gone over well with you guys. I do want to say first off this post is centered around religion and my faith (more so my faith, but that obviously coincides with religion.) This is in no way me trying to convert anyone to my religion. You’re faith journey is yours and I have no right in trying to sway you one way or another. However, I am going to talk today about my journey in faith and about where I am currently with my faith. I’m gonna discuss the highs and lows I’ve had with my faith, and everything in between.
I have been a Christian my entire life, specifically Presbyterian which is just a denomination of Christianity. Each denomination is a little different, with slightly different beliefs. Presbyterian in my opinion, is the most laid back and “accepting” denomination. I’ll get more into this later on. I’ve mentioned this in other posts but, I grew up going to church. Every single Sunday, I’d go to Sunday School and then as I got older I’d sit through the service with my parents. When I went to college, that’s about when I stopped going to church, for two reasons. The first reason being, I never took the time to find a church at school, I was either busy with homework or my job that I just never looked. Second being, I never connected with the pastor at my church so I thought that maybe church just wasn’t for me, not realizing every pastor is different.
I never really thought much about my faith until I was about 19 or 20. It was just something that was just apart of me, I didn’t necessarily practice it. I didn’t try to learn about it more. I just took what I learned at church and carried on with my life. Secretly that made me feel like a “fake” Christian. I never admitted that to my friends or family because I thought it would make them love me less. My practices of faith felt forced because I didn’t understand anything I was taking in but, I didn’t want to let my friends or family down. If i’m being honest here, until I started to deal with hardships I took God and my faith for granted.
I’m very vocal on here about my mental health and it wasn’t until I started to suffer with mental health issues that I started to get to know myself and my faith. I began to turn to God more, turn to the word of God more and asked people to explain it to me. I started listening to more faith based music, because I love music and wanted to absorb his presence through song. To this day, that’s the most moving way for me to practice my faith. I started to really figure out what MY faith was and what I believed in and how I wanted to practice it. Ultimately, my faith didn’t change much from when I was growing up. I think I just became more accepting of people who were “different.”
Like I mentioned earlier, I grew up a Presbyterian and I still go to a Presbyterian church. That being said, I don’t necessarily believe in denominations within the Church. I feel that just gives you one more way to separate everyone. I am a Christian plain and simple. I don’t need all these rules to follow on “how to be a Christian” I just love God and treat humans like humans and let God be the one to judge someone.
Now, at 24 and on the uphill of a two plus year battle with depression my faith is a strong as ever. I still don’t really go to church, although I do connect with my new pastor very well and would like to get back into going. I still don’t read my bible on a daily basis, but the word of the Lord does resonate with me more when I do read it. I’ve hit rock bottom more then once in those two years of struggles but, every time I came back a better person with more light in my heart. I fully give God all the credit for that, because it would have been SO easy to have let my heart become dark. That doesn’t lead to a happy life though, so I turned to my Lord and let him put light back in my life. Each time I hit rock bottom, I’m reminded that God is turning me into the woman HE wants me to be. The only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself and God’s opinion of you. That’s really hard for me to remember, actually my best friend sent me this verse this morning that goes perfectly with what I just said it is,
“But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?”
My journey in faith has taught me so much, especially in the last year, I’ve never wavered in the idea that God loves me and that God has a plan for me, but I do know that, it can get REALLY hard to accept that we aren’t meant to know the plan. I never doubted that God was there, but I know it can be so hard to understand why all these bad things happen in life, such unfair cruel things. How can God let these things happen, and honestly I don’t have the answers. I’m not suppose to have those answers. I get how tough it can be to hand over all your trust to “something you can’t see” but that’s what having faith means. Trusting and believing in things you can’t see.
I was really inspired to write this post by Tori Kelly’s new gospel album Hiding Places. Like I said earlier, music is the most moving form of praise for me and, as I was sitting here listening to her sing about her faith, I felt God place his hand on my heart and tell me to share my journey in faith with all of you. I’m growing in my faith everyday and I’m extremely proud of that. I’m centering my life more and more around the happiness God wants me to feel. I’m centering it around the love God wants me to show myself and everyone around me. I know there will be hard times still to come, things I don’t understand but faith will lead me to the other side. We are all masterpieces, still being molded into this grand piece of art. My journey is still being written but this is where I am in my faith journey as of right now. I think now is a good time for me to wrap this up and stop rambling, so thank you for stopping by. Until next time…
Be Nice. Be Good.
p.s. if you want me to write a post on the all the darkness I experienced during the depths of my depression, and you feel it would help you please let me know in the comments.