Hello! Welcome Back! As you can tell by the title of this blog post, today is World Mental Health. Mental health is something really important to me considering I have been affected by it, predominately in the last three years. I think it’s so important to have an open and honest conversation about mental health, because that’s the only way we are going to get rid of the stigma around it. Today, I want to tell you about my experience with mental health (specifically anxiety and depression.) I will also link some of my other posts where I speak about mental health. The biggest thing I want all my readers to get out of today’s post is that, you are strong and you are not alone.
So in case I have any new readers, my name is Michelle and I’m your typical 24 year old. I grew up very privileged in the fact that my parents did a lot for me (they still do.) I was very sheltered and I didn’t really have to “want” for much. I’m not saying they bought me Gucci bags every year, they definitely did not. However, they paid for my college education, bought me my first car and up until about two months ago still paid for my car insurance and phone bill. If you look at my life from the outside, I have no reason to be struck with anxiety and worry about everything. I have no reason to be sad, and not be able to explain why I’m sad. I have great friends, I have a college education, I have my health, I can afford to buy a 5 dollar starbucks whenever my heart desires, those things all add up to having a good life. I’ve spoken in other posts about how this caused me to feel guilty about my mental health for the better part of a year and a half. Unfortunately depression doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t care how “good” your life is, it’ll still come in and turn your world upside down.
My depression really started to set in, my senior year of college. I was terrified that entire year because I knew change was coming and I couldn’t stop it. I’m terrible with change, it’s scary and my little bubble isn’t. I had almost crippling anxiety any time I had to apply for a job in my major, which was a big red flag to me. However, I just swept it under the rug because I was SO close to finishing. To add to the fear of graduating college, I was also at the beginnings of a crumbling friendship. I wrote an entire post on my experience with a toxic friendship, you can check it out here.
Obviously, life didn’t slow down one bit and neither did the depression. The transition into post grad life was really tough for me. It sort of just hit me in the face and I found that really hard to deal with. I felt like I didn’t have a purpose I just left the only thing I knew, which was being a student and I didn’t know where to go from there. My entire life, getting to my college graduation was the goal and, everything was planned out for me because I had specific courses that led me to that. Now I’d gotten there and I didn’t have a plan of where to go next which for me was debilitating because I thrive off of having things planned out.
As time went on the depression just kept getting worse, I kept trying to get better on my own but it wasn’t working. It had gotten to the point where I was “suicidal.” I put quotes around suicidal because for me personally it was never that I wanted to take my own life, I didn’t. What I wanted was to stop feeling as crappy as I was feeling and that seemed like the only way to do so. This grey area of being suicidal went on for about 6 more months, then I decided I needed help. I couldn’t do this on my own anymore, I couldn’t keep putting a burden on my friends and then doing nothing about it. My best friend, Lindsay told me we would call my doctor together and schedule an appointment. Of course anxiety came into play and I told her I wasn’t ready. Being the good friend that she is, she just said okay and didn’t push me. Then this surge of confidence came over me and I made the appointment, kind of feel like I blacked out while making it but that’s okay it was made.
In February 2018, I went on a low dosage of Sertraline, which is the generic version of Zoloft. For me, this was the best decision I’ve ever made and without getting to sappy I’m so thankful and proud of myself for making that appointment. Now, current day I have been on my medication for almost 9 months and I feel the happiest I’ve ever been. There are certain family situations that still really affect me mentally, but they are going to always affect me. In every other aspect of my life, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. If you are struggling with any type of mental illness, please do yourself a favor and talk to your doctor. Find what solution works best for you, you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. Personally, I think mental health is just if not more important than physical health. You can be in the best shape of your life, but if something is off balance in your mind it’s going to affect everything else.
I wouldn’t feel right putting up this post without giving a shout out to some of the people who have helped me every step of the way. My three best friends ( Keira, Lindsay and Megan) whether we are living together or across the country from one another, they have been there for me at the drop of a hat. All I have to do is call or text and they give me their full attention and support. They help me sort out whats going on in my mind because, sometimes I think they know me better than I know myself. They make me feel justified in my feelings, and cheer me on in every avenue of life. These three have known me before and after mental illness came into play, and their love for me hasn’t changed. I really hit the jackpot when it comes to friends. I couldn’t be more thankful for people who understand me and even have degree’s in these type of things. Also little shout out to my beautiful niece Reia who has been one of the biggest reasons I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Babies are really great man.
My twitter friends, the internet has given me access to some other amazing people. These are girls who have never met me, who live in different countries than I do, who have different walks of life than I do yet they care for me as though they’ve known me my whole life. I appreciate them allowing me the space to let out my feelings and supporting me in my journey. Again, I got really lucky with the friends God has put in my life.
To any of my readers struggling, please know you are not alone. If all you did today was get up and have a glass of water, that is enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I’m proud of each of you for fighting every single day, I know that’s not easy. You’re doing a great job, and things will get better. If you feel like you need a little more help in feeling understood, below will be some of my favorite posts that I’ve written around my mental health. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to just send me a message, here are all the places you can reach me.
I hope this post helped you feel at least a little less alone, because I know how lonely mental illness can be. I by no means have all the answers for mental health, it’s something I have to fight through everyday myself. The best way to keep moving forward is to have open conversations about mental health. You wouldn’t judge someone for having IBS or Diabetes, so why judge someone with a mental illness? This is a judgement free zone, so feel free to leave me a comment down below! I’m sending each of you all my love for a happy and healthy life. Thanks for stopping by, until next time..
Be Nice. Be Good.
MENTAL HEALTH POSTS