Lifestyle Personal

It Comes in Waves: The Highs & Lows of Living with Depression

Hey guys! Hope you’re all doing well. Two posts in one week!? Look at me, maybe I’m finally getting my creative mojo back! Anyways, today’s post is going to kind of be a word vomit post. I’ve never been one to shy away from talk about my mental health on my blog and this post is no different. This blog is a huge representation of who I am, and my struggle with depression is apart of that. So why not share my story? You can read more about my journey with mental health here.

Today, I want to talk about the very real highs and lows of living with depression. When you become diagnosed with depression, you become very aware that it’s something you’re most likely going to deal with for the rest of your life. There are also things like situational depression, or seasonal depression that come and go almost like clock work. (I’m in no way belittling situational or seasonal depression, any form of depression SUCKS) Chronic depression or manic depression can flip your life upside down in the blink of an eye. One minute you’re carrying on with normal life tasks, even making progress in your goals and then the next you feel like an empty body walking around without a soul. I get how dramatic that sounds, but for anyone who has suffered the lows of depression you know it’s a very real thing to feel like a hallow skeleton. Like the title of this post states, it comes in waves.

Living With Depression Highs & Lows

The Lows

Recently, I have been experiencing the lows of living with depression. When I say lows I mean depths of the ocean low. This round of lows has been the worst I’ve ever experienced, and I don’t really know what triggered it. When you’ve experienced the higher parts of life, the low ones can become really scary. One night in particular last week, felt like an out of body experience. I wish I could paint a picture for you all on how I was feeling but honestly, it’s all a blur to me. I got swept up in the current of my breakdown, with the waves of my emotions throwing me around.

One of the most difficult parts about the lows creeping up on you is putting yourself back together. It’s like you’re holding yourself together with old tape, just barely hanging on. The day after my breakdown, I was able to put myself back together just enough to make it through the work day. That was all I was able to do, after my shift ended it was like someone pulled my plug and drained everything from me. No matter how many doctors appointments you go to, or how many positive quotes you repin on pinterest, no one really ever explains how hard getting through the day can be sometimes.

Looking back in hindsight, I can see that getting through the day where I had to deal with customer after customer was a victory in and of itself. That’s the thing with the lows, you don’t see what you’re still accomplishing even while the seas are roaring inside your head. The mind can be a scary place, but pushing through your day while at war with yourself proves how much of a warrior you are.

Living With Depression

The Highs

The highs are a much more enjoyable thing to talk about. They are also obviously, much more enjoyable to feel. They are the moments you cling to during your moments of despair.

When you’re experiencing a high moment, it’s important that you take advantage of it and live your life to the fullest. I know how isolating depression can make you, I hide away in my room when I’m depressed. That’s why, when you are experiencing a high period in life it’s important you put yourself out there. The first high period in my life after going on medication was when Simply Michelle was born. For the first time in my life I didn’t have that crippling self doubt blasting at full volume through my head, so I took a leap and made an investment in myself & my blog.

When you are going through a high period in your journey with depression, that is the best time to make changes in your life to help keep the low moments at bay. Whether you make an investment in yourself & your dream, or you leave a relationship that you know isn’t working. You want to do something that will impact you in a positive way. This way when the low times come again, you have something to hold on to and/or work towards.

It Comes In Waves

Riding the Waves

As cliche as it sounds, life really is a journey and it’s about riding the waves. One of the most common feelings associated with depression is guilt. You feel guilty for being so sad, disconnected and empty. You feel guilty for how badly you need someone, and for putting your problems on someone else. I’m here to remind you, that you don’t need to feel guilty for riding the waves.

You’re going to have bad days, and you’re going to have good day. However, you don’t only need to feel the good days. There is a level of trust needed in experiencing the lows. You need to trust yourself that even if you’re drowning, you will come up for air. Everyone is different but, I’ve found for myself that trying to avoid going under water only makes me go deeper when I do finally drown. If you need to just go through the motions of life for a few days, then do it. (only do this if you aren’t at risk of harming yourself, if you’re version of drowning involves inflicting harm on yourself or others, please talk to someone)

Depression comes in waves, but after the waves roar there is a calmness in the sea of your mind that is so beautiful. You’ve gotten through it before, you can get through it again. I do hope this made at least some type of sense, and even potentially helped someone. It was a nice therapeutic release for me, so that’s a win!

Living With Depression

If you struggle with any type of mental illness, my comment section is always open. No matter where you are on your wave, I’m here to always be a listening ear. Thank you for listening to my word vomit, until next time…

Be Nice. Be Good.

Mich. x

Advertisements

Simply Michelle

Hi! I’m Michelle, but you can call me Mich. I’m just your normal 24 year old trying to figure out life and thought I’d share some of my experiences and interests with the world. This blog will cover all things under the sun from makeup favorites to mental health to religion and everything serious or not so serious in between! I want us to build a little community filled with love and support so please leave me comments and hit that follow button on your way out. This blog has a very special place in my heart and feels like a important part of my path in life so I hope you stay a while and check out what it’s like to be Simply Michelle.

Be Nice. Be Good.

You may also like...

23 Comments

  1. Never a truer way to describe depression, it was spot on

    1. thank you debbie, really appreciate those kind words xx

  2. This was such a lovely post to read, it really sheds a light on how people with depression really feel. It has also helped me to understand the highs and lows better x

    1. thank you aaliyah, i really appreciate those kind words. i’m glad it helped you understand more, even as someone who lives with depression it can be a tricky thing to understand x

  3. I loved the way you structured this post, it was so beautifully written. Especially considering I imagine this one wasn’t the easiest to write. Sorry you’re in a low now, hopefully some highs are just around the corner. I learnt a lot reading this! x

    Sophie

    1. thank you sophie, i really appreciate that. i’m hoping that being able to share my story with strangers online will help me be more open when i finally go to therapy. i’m really glad you were able to learn something from reading this xx

  4. Mich what a beautiful analogy and the way you described the highs and lows of depression. I’m so proud of you sharing your truth with the world. You are an example of being fearless and embracing who you are by sharing details about depression and how it affects you. What I learned from this post is that no matter what stage you are in life, you are gonna have ups and downs. The best thing you can do for yourself is be honest and embrace the good AND the bad. Powering through those tough moments make you a stronger person and even more successful in life. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️

    Natonya | https://justnatonya.wordpress.com

    1. you always make my heart smile when you leave me comments, thank you for this. it can be daunting sharing such a personal part of yourself, but God put us here to help and love one another. you can’t help anyone in silence ❤️

      1. Amen to that! You cannot help anyone in silence, nice words Mich!

  5. Cee Arr @ Dora Reads says:

    Fab post! I think I struggle with not knowing how long my Depression might last – it might be something I struggle with for life (although, obv. I hope not!) or it might be something that I eventually pull myself out of (albeit with the chance of it coming back one day, which sucks.)

    I get the whole ‘pieces of tape’ thing, but not so much the hollow skeleton. In my experience, it’s more like having pieces of your soul torn away, one by one. I realise that sounds super-dramatic, but unless you’ve been there… y’know?

    Out-of-body type experiences are Dissociation – I get it sometimes, especially with Anxiety. It’s not always possible, but try to ‘ground’ yourself – pick something in your surroundings to focus on, like a pet, or a soft toy, or I sometimes use the feel of my ring on my finger. The more familiar you are with the thing you’re focussing on, the better in my experience.

    Hope that helps, but if it doesn’t then it doesn’t *shrugs* – different things work for different people.

    1. I completely understand what you mean by piece of your soul torn away. I use to feel that as well, I think now that i’ve had it for nearly three years when the bad times come there’s nothing left to tear away meaning i feel hollow. i think that’s why people have such a hard time explaining how they feel when they experience depression, because it sounds incredibly dramatic but that’s exactly how we feel. thank you for sharing this with me xx

  6. Speaking Bipolar says:

    Yes, guilt is a huge struggle when living with mental illness. I’m bipolar so highs and lows come frequently, sometimes in the same day. The important thing to remember in the down times is that things always get better. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story.

    1. thank you! you are so correct that things always get better, after the rain always comes the rainbow 🌈😊

  7. This is the perfect description of depression, Mich. I’ve been feeling low for a while, but sometimes I will feel good and know I’ll have to make the most of it as the next bad day can come so quickly. I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling down but I’m glad this post was therapeutic for you. Thank you for being so honest, open and relatable, sending you lots of love and hope the good days become more frequent for you <3 xxx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

    1. thank you for this comment bexa, i completely understand what you mean about making the most of a good day because a bad day can come out of no where at the flip of a hat. sending you lots of love back and hope the good days become more frequent for you as well ❤️❤️

  8. Your post was something I really needed to hear/see today. I woke up today in one of the lows and it’s been hard for me to get myself going. So, it’s just encouraging to both see you so open with your mental health and seeing you slowly coming back into the happier parts of life.
    Stay strong and thank you for sharing.

    1. thank you for these kind words, wishing you happiness and peace. sending love xx

  9. Hi Michelle,

    In my own life, my twenties were full of a lot more of those intense waves (which is such a great description). I hope it helps to tell you that time and age may help you to ride them out, as happened to me.

    As I read this I remembered that scary feeling I’d get out in the ocean, just below my chest, when I’d see a massive wave hurling toward me. Oh no! Too far from shore to run back, I’d brace, tense my muscles, heart racing, and duck under the white water to avoid the wave’s slam.

    I know many people your age who seem to be feeling higher highs and lower lows. It makes me wonder: Back in my twenties did we just not talk about these things? Or is the mind-blowing amount of information we all receive, the good and the bad, affecting our stress levels? Anyway, I appreciate your honesty. Take care.

    1. that’s a very interesting thing to think about, i definitely think mental health wasn’t as openly talked about until just a few years ago. which is awful but at least we’re making progress. thank you for leaving such a lovely thought provoking comment xx

  10. Lovely post – very true and very raw. Stay strong!

    1. thank you so much xx

  11. Hi thank you for this blog/post I totally get the part about taking advantage of the highs and making changes then!! I live with a chronic illness and I never thought my illness would defect my mind fast forward 10years and depression has hit me. Life had hit me and guilt after becoming a mum hit me….i decided to also start a blog as wanted to help others like me I’ve been doing it 4/5weeks now and omg my overall health has improved massively thank you again for this post xxx

    1. so glad blogging has been helping! blogging has been a great help to me as well. sending love and positivity xx

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.