Hey guys! Hope you’re all doing well. Is it just me or all your days starting to turn into one big cloud? What day is it, what month is it, what time is it, I surely couldn’t tell you. That’s quarantine life for you. I know I’m not the only one that is kind of struggling (REALLY struggling) in this whole situation. I want to do a little check in with you guys on my mental health during quarantine. My hope is that if someone else reading this is also feeling kind of shitty during this time, they’ll take comfort in knowing that they aren’t alone in that.
It’s been an adjustment
Like many of you, my world has been turned on it’s side thanks to COVID-19. At first I thought I was getting a two week vacation where I would be able to spend some needed time with my friends, maybe do a little traveling and then get back to my normal life. Now I know, my normal life won’t be returning anytime soon. As I’ve mentioned before I work with children, both in a daycare and in elementary school. I’m very grateful for the job security of there being a position for me once we open back up but, in-person school is closed for the remainder of the year. This means I won’t be returning to work until September, at least not my main job. If the daycares open, I’ll return there but that’s up in the air as well.
I know I’m not the only one in this position, heck 6 million people in America including myself are on unemployment due to this pandemic. That doesn’t make it any easier of a pill to swallow. Not only did having a job give me much more income than unemployment can offer, it gave me a sense of purpose. It wasn’t my only sense of purpose but, it was something that allowed me to see a future for myself. Now that this virus has taken that from me for the next couple of months, I’m starting to feel lost. This is about the 80th time I’ve felt lost since starting my 20s and frankly, I’m over it.
What could have been
The way my life was heading, I could finally see myself starting to plan to move out of my parents home. I just got a promotion, meaning higher pay. If I’m being real with you guys, I had basically doubled my salary going from my previous job to this. I wasn’t making loads of money but I was making enough that I could most likely support myself. I just needed some time to see what life looked like on this pay scale, and once I did I had all intentions of getting a place with my best friend. Now, I’m back to the start. I can’t afford to move out while being on unemployment, and that’s frustrating to me. It has taken me four years since graduating college to have the confidence and mental stability to have a job that offers me benefits & allows me to support myself fully.
I know this sounds like I’m complaining and well I kind of am, but I think that’s something that we all need to be more accepting of. I know good and well how lucky I am to be living at home, to not have to worry about rent, food, healthcare and many other bills. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t know how blessed I am. That doesn’t change that this whole thing feels a bit like a big “FU” from the universe. As I’m sure it does for a lot of people. We all had a lot of things planned for life in the coming months, and it down right sucks that they have all been put on hold. You can be understanding and accepting of what’s going on & why it needs to happen while also knowing that it sucks.
I know that the measures we are all taking with businesses closing, social distancing, and everything in between are ESSENTIAL and should 100% be followed. However, it’s important to also be mindful of the mental toll it’s taking on everyone. For me, I feel like I’m slipping back into the depression I was in nearly two years ago. That’s when it was at it’s worse, and I had lost my will to live. It’s taking everything in my to fight going back there, and it’s something I have to face on a daily basis.
How I Cope
Like I said I have to fight with everything in me on a daily basis to keep myself from slipping back into my very real, very dark depression. Before when I felt I needed an escape I would go to Ulta or the bookstore, somewhere. That however isn’t an option anymore, I can’t even go to the local park & sit by the water. I have however been doing a lot of online shopping to cope. (I’ll be doing a haul soon.) Other than that I have been trying to find any hobby I can to fill my time.
I have started crocheting again which has been incredible for my mental health. It’s both a mindless activity while also giving me something to put my full attention into. I have also started doing puzzles, reading more books and since it’s springtime I take my adorable golden retriever on walks everyday I can. I’ve even gotten back into blogging, this is going to be the third post I’ve uploaded since this all started. (here are the others I posted 1 & 2) These coping mechanisms work to get my through the days. I’d be lying though if I said it’s enough to cure the depression this whole virus has caused.
How are You?
Now that I’ve gone on my long winded rant about how this virus has affected my mental health, I wanna know how it’s affecting mental health? Is it affecting it at all? What are you getting up to? Overall how are you feeling?
Leave me things that you guys do to help you get through the day down below. I am always open to trying new activities. I do hope you’re all staying safe & healthy. Light always comes after the darkness and we will make it through this. Thanks for stopping by, until next time…
Be Nice. Be Good.